I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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