When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
