I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
