I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
