I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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