I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
