how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
