I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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