I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
