Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
