I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
