is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
