in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You need a sexual gate keeper
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
