well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
