I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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