dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
