I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
