I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
