anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
