I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
