Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
