I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
