Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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