i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
