i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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