he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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