Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
