My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
