my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
