I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
