Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
