The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
