The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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