Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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