oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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