I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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