what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
