I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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