There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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