Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
