This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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