im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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