you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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