i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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