Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
