They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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