my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
