i think i have herpe
just one?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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