I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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