Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
