You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
