You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
