I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
